Break-up Blues

You will never know the time when your dog will die on you, no matter how retarded he is. No matter how many plastics he has eaten in days because you forgot to feed him. No matter how many times your pet cat scratch those exposed gonads of him because he thought the cat was his puppy. You just don’t, because for you, he is invincible. Besides, no one in his right mind will think his dog will die on him anytime because if that’s the case, you will never thought of having a dog in the first place. Except if you’re a masochistic son of an asshat, then dwelling in every melancholic scene is dreamland for you, EMO freak. Okay, I’ll stop the dog analogy.

Relationship also has the same kind of unknown entity enveloping it from the beginning to its end. There’s no glowing aura that tells you he is the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life. No Gary Valenciano singing in the background that will give you a hint that he’s the person that will make you happy. There’s no My Chemical Romance playing to tell you that he’s fucking cheating you or he plans to marry when he’s 75 and have 10 kids after the wedding. There’s just NO CLUE at all.

Now, here’s comes the cheesy line. No matter how strong the relationship is, there’s nothing cheesy about it when it ends.

Deafening silence reigns. You feel like you’re entering inferno as Dante describes it.

How does it end? When it starts, I say.

When we chose to love someone for a reason and didn’t get to love the person. Bonds between lovers will collapse.

When we pretend to be someone we’re not. Cracks will be visible because of lies.

The moment we TRY to love, will be the moment the gap widens.

It’s neither the petty things lovers did nor the big arguments that they had. It all boils down to the foundation of the relationship.

We patch relationships up by giving a part of ourselves. By giving a part of us, we lose something essential, something important, and something which defines us. Eventually, lovers will fall apart, not the relationship itself but the characters that were portraying in that tragic play. No one will be there to mend it.

Great relationship happens not when two characters try to make it great but when each of them gives the other character support. Each of them mindful about the other’s needs and wants.

If it’s only the relationship and companionship you want, you’ll lose it before it even starts.

Bottom line of the story? Don’t mix cats and dogs as pets because they’ll only kill each other. Why kill each other? Only God can explain.

My Significant Other’s Words of Wisdom Regarding Shit

Talking about shit (or poo or crap or dump or whatever) can be really gross and might induce vomiting especially if you’re not accustom to reading conversation that concerns it. If you’re that kind, please stop reading.

Like I’ve said, it is really gross to talk with anyone. I have this mindset that if I can’t talk about shit with you, we’re not really that close. Maybe we’re just pretending to be close or chances are, I don’t really like you at all.

For me, that theory also applies to relationship. I mean, you can’t be with someone you’re too ashamed to talk about something natural yet gross right? Because if that’s the case then you can’t talk about other shameful things with him (or her) that might result to miscommunation therefore the big B (Breakup, stupid).

Fortunately, I can talk about anything with the Significant Other. We’ve been close friends for years and it quite comes naturally to us. Like weird natural because our conversations almost revolves around shameful, gross, creepy and stupid habits or things we did in our past.

Unfortunately, the boyfriend has quite a lot of things going on with him about shit like:

Phone conversation:
ME: Ling, natatae yata ako.
SO: Eh di tumae ka. Bakit ka ba nagsasabi? Eto!
ME: Sabi ko yata lang
SO: Kung tatae ka dapat tumae ka. Kailangan pa bang sabihin yun?
ME: Bakit parang me echo?
SO: Tumatae ako eh.  Bahoo!

Text Conversation:
ME: Hindi pa ako natatae. 3 days na.
SO: Normal yun. Alangan namang tae ka ng tae.
ME: Hindi dati natatae ako araw araw. Minsan nga isipin ko lang natatae na ako.
SO: Eh di isipin mo ng isipin nang matae ka. Gawa mo na lang me ng design ng website.
ME: Cge.
SO: Wag lang violet ha?
ME: Oo na.
SO: Ano naisip mo na?
ME: Ang bilis naman ang hirap kaya magisip nun.
SO: Iisipin mo lang na matatae ka, mahirap ba yun???????

During a date:

ME: Panis na yata yung buko. Parang natatae ako.
SO: Pigilin mo muna, kaya mo yan
ME: Parang hindi ko na kaya.
SO: Ganito na lang nood na lang tayo ng sine.
ME: Para hindi ko maisip na natatae ako?
SO: Hindi, para walang tao sa CR. Kasi bihira lang macr ang tao pag nasa sinehan.
ME: Adik ka ba? Nakakahiya kaya yun.
SO: Okay lang yun pipili tayo ng palabas na korny tapos gitna na. Ano? Tara lets bagets.

True enough, no one’s inside the comfort when we went in. But I didn’t took a dump. No! Really! I didn’t!

First Aphasia, Now Amnesia

Everybody at some point in their lives experienced temporary memory loss. Like perhaps forgetting where you have left some of your money or cellphone or other things. Do you know that keys ranked as the most forgettable thing in the history of mankind? No? I bet since I’ve only invented that up.

This story is about how I forgot my keys at the office. Don’t laugh, it’s not funny, asshole.

Instead of securing my stuffs before leaving the office I have decided to copy my work in this laptop of mine with the intention of doing my job at my house. But we all know that THAT IDEA only comes true in a utopian world because the moment I’ve reached my house is the moment I will slump on my bed to get some sleep, yes in my undies and no you can’t imagine it because aside from being a perverted human being it is also a awful thing to imagine. That preoccupied my mind during my last minutes in the office and the moment my boyfriend texted he’s already in C5 (we decided to see each other in megamall because we won’t be able to see each other this Friday which is our date day), I, a moronic individual panicked and rushed off without checking my things.

I could crash at the boyfriend’s house or my friend’s house you say. Thing is, I’ve noticed I don’t have the key with me when I’m already at my doorstep. I’ve tried waking the landlord up and no; they didn’t save me from sleeping on the streets.

Where am I right now? Here… at a cheap motel spending my night alone with couples having sex next door. No, I don’t think there’s a couple next door because the receptionist is more than delighted to see me enter the motel’s premises like I was lost or something and they even wanted to rent a band to make me stay.

For 350 pesos overnight, I got a creepy empty room (same as my room) only air conditioned, bed with clean sheets, two pillows, a television with cable channels and a busted remote control… well I think it’s worth leaving the key. I could definitely use some rest.

New Year Post

Another year has gone by and so far I’ve been blogging for two years straight now. I’ll go back to the shits I’ve been through last year and what my plans are for this year.

Rewind:

As I have reviewed from my old posts, the first quarter of my 2007 is spent broken-hearted and clinically depressed. I’ve been heart-broken because I saw the she-devil AKA ”recent love” with my close-friend on a pyrotechnics show last year (January 4). To start my year right, I’ve decided to enroll in a gym and lose weight in the process to rebuild my destroyed soul because of a broken heart. Okay, I’m just joking about the soul thing, I’ve had decided to work out for one reason, to keep myself busy.

During the second quarter I’ve been successful in losing 40 extra pounds of weight. I don’t know if it’s from being emotional and suicidal most of the time or because of the gym but it’s a major accomplishment.

I and the asshole-who-broke-my-heart crossed each other’s path again because the SHE broke her heart (or as the asshole-who-broke-my-heart tried to rephrase it, he decided to dropped the idea of chasing her because she’s into OPTIONS when it comes to LOVING someone, and the asshole-who-broke-my-heart feels that I’m the BEST option).

It was in the third quarter of 2007 when I started gaining weight. Why? I’ve changed into a job that is less strenuous than the other and is more rewarding that enables me to buy things that I want. Also, the asshole-who-broke-my-heart became the-love-that-was-lost-and-returned-to-make-me-happy-than-ever.

As the year approaches to its end, I’ve managed to let pick pockets steal my nice wallet with my money and my precious iPod. I also spent my new year away from home and then figured that its quite lonely to spend the last day of the year without your immediate family.

Fast Forward

I’m planning to work out again this year, not only to lose weight but also because I find myself these days blogging about the-love-that-was-lost-and-returned-to-make-me-happy-than-ever. Yes, I love him that much but it only proves that I have no other social life than him. I’m confined in a world consisting of him and me. Which is not so good considering I’m past my quarter life crisis - whatever, we just both need some fun out in the sun.

I also need to save some money so I can finally buy a KARRR. I need one. I need it because jeepney drivers here sucks and public transportation is really not for me, not because I’m Miss High and Mighty but because I’m so stupid that I may end losing every I have because of thieves in this crazy third world country of ours. I know of all my plans, this one will go straight to the garbage can.

I need to get back my old personality because I’m always grumpy these days. I need to enjoy my life. I need to get laid. I’m kidding about the last part wokey.

Oh yeah… before I forgot. I really need to quit smoking this year. Sad sad new year. Sad sad new year no smoking. huhuhuhu.

Google Entertainment

One thing about me is that I am unable to do my task if I can’t think of the whole scenario in my mind. I’m currently working on a scheduling module and spending my office hours doing nothing but the fact of the matter is, I’m thinking. I’m thinking about the whole stuff so when I started to work, I can finish it in a couple of hours instead of days.

But the thing is for a three day task, I will spend two days just ogling at the internet searching nothing in particular. In order to stimulate my mind, I must entertain myself… in a non-sexual way of course.

Google is a friend for office internet junkies. For one thing, it’ll never be blocked in your office for it’s a search engine. The reason for having internet is to search ideas, technologies and other whatnots that you tell your bosses.

So here’s what I do to perk me up:

1. First thing is to type my name on Google to see how famous I am on the search engine.
   1. There’s another person having the same name that lived in San Pablo and worked in Taiwan. Friendster profile.
   2. Another person (aside from a) who is a foreign service officer.
   3. Another person is a wedding coordinator.
   4. Okay it’s me.
   5. A teacher probably because she’s in the LET board passer list.
2. Type boyfriend’s name and see the results
   1. You will discover that there’s plenty of person having that name
   2. And you’ve gone thru 10 pages without finding your boyfriend.
3. You will type your boyfriend’s psuedoname
   1. You will see his testimonials to other people.

      Sample:

      Si mam [-------- ] hehehe mabait yan, maganda, mabait, maganda, mabait and did i said na maganda cya hehehe, nakakatagal nga sya sa mga korni ko na jokes, kaya nga labs na labs ko yan, sana hnd na cya magalit sa akin… ingats lagi mwuah…
      

   2. You’ll die laughing of how corny he is and makes you fall in love with him again.

See, Google is entertainment re-defined for those who have limited resource like me. And I hope he don’t mind posting that scrap of a note in here. And I ho[e he doesn’t get to read this. Mostly, I hope SHE doesn’t get to read this.

The Ultimate Shitty Meal of my Life … So Far

Hate Robbers? Me, too. Being robbed is like eating a shitty meal brought in on those long flights, it is so shitty but you still eat it because you can’t jump out of the plane to buy some jollibee happy meal. Those miniscule almost poisonous food is almost like shit travelling from your tongue carefully tingling those taste buds so it can send messages to your brain of how shitty  the meal is. THE ULTIMATE SHITTY MEAL OF YOUR LIFE…. SO FUCKING FAR. Did I get my point straight? I hate them so much.

I hate them so much that I want to tie them balls into knots, cut it and feed them to dogs.

I hate them so much that I want inject them with ebola virus or let them suffer from sore eyes in three months.

Why rob someone who is sleeping and snoring heavily inside the bus because she did some major dramatic lines to his boyfriend before watching hitman.

Why rob me?

and most of all…

WHY the hell rob me of my iPOD!!!!!!

Sana mabaog siya. Sana lang.

I am so gonna whine about this all month.

One More Chance Dun Dun Dunnnnn

Every year, I always allot a single ticket for watching tagalog movies. Last year I think it was Sukob or if Sukob was shown in 2005, then I haven’t got the chance to watch any tagalog movie last year.

I’ve been bothering my boyfriend to watch ONE MORE CHANCE (Yay!) as sort of a punishment for all those homer symptoms flashes he has had these past few weeks.  Needless to say even before we had the chance to watch the cheesy movie of the year, I’ve been hearing a lot of bad reviews from guys. One went with

Jomar: Don’t bother to watch it, it’s lame.
Me: You’ve watched it????!!!
Jomar: As if I have the option not to, my wife forced me to.
Me: How can you say it’s lame?
Jomar: It’s very typical, they broke up, they make up. They live happily ever after.
Me: You’re a guy. You’re wired to consider every tagalog cheesy movie as lame. Have you seen one that caught your attention, I bet there’s none.
Jomar: There is one! That Angelu and Bobby movie.
Me: The one when Angelu died? Yeah, I liked that one, too!

I lost the urge to watch the movie but then when we were in Robinsons Dasmariñas, I’ve asked him to watch a movie instead because …. I’m bored. We planned to watch “Hitman” but when we got there it’s still on the next attraction. Fuck it. So would be:

1) Enchanted
2) One More Chance
3) Fred Claus

I actually voted for Fred Claus because it’s seems to be a cool family movie. But then the unthinkable happened:

SO: No, let’s watch One More Chance instead.
Me: Why because I’ve been wanting to watch it for the past two weeks?
SO: No, so you’ll stop pestering me with it.

Summary:

1) Typical Movie
2)  Apparently I’m Bea and John Lloyd’s bad traits in the movie and my boyfriend owns their good traits.
3)  We missed the first bed scene. Boo!!!!
4) We laughed  during the second! Yay!
5) I dipped my hand into our my boyfriend’s softdrinks cup. I thought it was the popcorn. I drank it because I thought it was mine.

It’s a nice date movie because it gives you the chance to talk to each other because it’s so lame.

Survey!

Right now, I have nothing better to do. Of course I was lying because it’s office hours and my work is piling up everyday but still I have to chosen to procrastinate and answer this survey from Rowan.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
My boyfriend. It was not a joke even, it consists of a dream house, boobs and a passer by.

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Travelling.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
I’ve washed the plastic container I borrowed from my officemate. How boring can someone’s life be? Tell me?
4. What happened to you in 2006?
Good Thing, I change jobs. Wait that was the bad thing. Yes. Bf and I got closer.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
I want banana que. Gusto niyo hanap ako sa baba?

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Ice tea and water.

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Like rowan, I refuse to conform with hair styling.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Ice cream. Pistachio ayskrim. Salap.

9. Where were you last night?
Mega. Then house. *Borrrrriiiinnnnggggg*

10. What color is your front door?
White and… dun dun dun… PINK! Tarush!

11. Where do you keep your change?
Inside my bag.

12. What’s the weather like today?
Definitely Hot. As in Me Hot. * This is one way to entertain oneself *

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
pistachio

14. What excites you?
Excite Bikes. Being excited. Ants. Freaking ants. Too many freaking red big ants on your office desk.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Not yet…

16. Are you over the age of 25? Uh huh! So what. I’m over 25 and still bored. Beat that. shheesssshhhh I really need to do something interesting.

17. Do you talk a lot?
Yeah. Except when I’m thinking. So, yeah I barely talk.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
??? No.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Nope. No joke. Cause I know it’ll come corny.

20. Do you make up your own words?
Yes. You’re chuvalikchenelin garble you know!

21. Are you a jealous person?
My exes say no. My current says yes. Therefore, I’m a psychopath.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Angeline…

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Kat Kat

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? My PM. Who called me because he thought I need something from him. I just accidentally pressed his number. I noes. I’m stupid.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
Mara, telling me that she’ll be in tagaytay tomorrow.

26. Do you chew on your straw?
Most of the time. They say people who does that are either suffering from intense feeling and good in bed. I say they are right… on both counts.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Sadly… Yes… WAHHHHHHHH

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
C.R.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
My college teacher who always almost flunked me for no particular reason.
30. What was the last thing you ate?
Ice Cream!

31. Will you get married in the future?
Hell if I know.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
huhuhu,

33. Is there anyone you like right now? As in like-like?
Yeah. My boyfriend.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Just awhile ago.

35. Are you currently depressed? Somewhat.

36. Did you cry today? Hay Allergy sucks big hairy balls. I’ve been crying since this morning.

37. Why did you answer and post this?
I have nothing better to do. thank you for wasting my time.

Homer Symptom

Homer Symptom is a sickness common to all guys who enjoy everything else except listening. Taken from the animated cartoon character from “The Simpson” which has the same name, people who has it can’t keep up with someone who blabbers things that doesn’t interest them. Consider the following situation:

E.G. 1

Me: What do you like to do on friday?
SO: I don’t know, what do you like to do…
Me: I think we should watch a movie and then we can go home so we can rest.
SO: That’s… Holy crap I’m so gonna take pictures of Muning and send it to I can has cheezburger!!!!!!!!

E.G. 2

Me: What’s the problem with your code.
SO: It’s not compatible with Oracle I think. Although I can research some alternatives
Me: Why? How does your screen interpret your code??
—-
Me: Are you still there?
SO: You know what’s weird? earwax… Earwax awfully smells a lot like banana que.

And the most recent:

SO: If you’ll tell me what’s bothering you then maybe we could go on with our lives with less drama

*Opens tv*

ME: Well, you see the moment I read your letter to “Lost Love” I’ve realized that you can write if you want to.

SO: Uhummm.

ME: I have to terrorize you just to write me a friendster testimonial. It makes me think that [insert a really dramatic line here that includes how he's still in love with her and he is... whatever shitty words you can think of]

Pause…

SO: Why did you stopped.

Me: [More dramatic lines]

SO: Uhummm. I haven’t watched this episode of Sponge Bob before…

Me: Are you still listening?

SO: Uhummm….

Me: You’re just watching sponge bob and it seems you’re more interested in him than me.

SO: Uhummm…

Me: Do you like Mr. Krabs? It seems you’re in love with him. Are you?

SO: Uhummm…

Me: Fuck you then.

SO: What???!!! You’re mad at me AGAIN????

Me: Because you’re suffering from Homer Symptoms again!!!!!

SO: No, I’m not. I was listening.

Me: What was I saying then?

SO: You read “LOST LOVE”‘s letter and…

Me: and…

SO: We’ll you still haven’t explain what you felt about it…

I rest my fucking case.

More Reasons…

Life is not perfect. It is also fucking unfair. It’s full of unnecessary rituals, beliefs and norms that makes life to complicated for you to understand.

Sabi ni Daniel Ng, “Life is simple”.

He’s right. Now, I understand what he meant. When we say, things are less complicated when we’re studying it will not change as we get older. We’ve been through things that made us feel that we’re experienced enough for us to refuse having to conform to things and wanting them to conform us. Which makes us sad when they don’t. 

When we encounter problems, we solve them. Like those unnecessary algebraic equation we encountered in high school and college.

When we don’t understand someone, we try to evaluate them and reason out their behaviour in a way that we can accept their actions. Like those review write-ups we’ve done in high school.

When things don’t go our way. We shrugged our shoulders and go on with our life.

Beliefs complicates things. 

They don’t define us. They just complicate things.

Fuck it. I just need some sleep.