For the Life of Me

The five-day Lenten vacation is slowly creeping into reality. Actually, I don’t like taking long vacation such as that. For one, I don’t like beaches for I’ve swore a vampiric life 5 years ago, so I’d rather watch “Labs Kita, Okay Ka Lang?” over and over than roast myself under the sun. Besides that, resting is one thing, running out of things to do is another thing.

Planning is very critical in times like these. For without planning, I may end up bloated by emptying our refrigerator or proceed with suicide (and I’m just kidding all of you regarding this suicide, I need drama in my life). And I want none of that to happen. So without further ado here are my planned activities:

Sexually Explicit

Last night, I bumped into some kids who were exchanging a quite intriguing talk. As I passed by them this kid was bragging about a scene that he saw between two of his, well I suppose friends. They were sharing an intimate moment, and as the kid reenact how Noy, his male friend was straddling this girl called Dimples and imitate Dimples’ moaning voice, they were laughing at it as if it was something that usually happens between kids.
They were only about 11 to 14 years old.

I don’t know, Anne Rice’s book came into my mind, “The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty” (this book is so sexually explicit that “I” by Anonymous was put into shame). I haven’t finished the book the first time I read it because I don’t know what the hell Anne Rice was thinking when she was writing this piece of crap. I decided to finished it, and to sum it all up, it was a collection of Beauty being awaken by the prince’s man juice (whatever you may call it) has undergone a series of paddling, kicking and other sado-masochistic behavior that you haven’t heard or seen in your wildest dream (okay supposed you dream of someday being beaten while having sex) and realize that Anne Rice was just exaggerating the thought that physical inhibitions must be set aside. For with inhibitions, you are denying yourself the happiness you’re looking for in the first place. Or maybe that was just my own interpretation, but I bet these are literature BS just to have an Ironic Plot using a 15 year old Fairy Tale Character that was originally created by the Grimm Brothers into something erotic. Bed time story for the adult.

Les Miserables

Four. Days. Four fucking days. That is the time it took me to finish this novel, Les Miserables. Four. Days. Even I can’t believe that my intellectual capacity for deciphering classic novel will only take four days. My favorite classic novel, The Count of Monte Cristo, took me two months (slumbering after reading 3 pages of old English crap). You see, I don’t usually buy classic book for I was traumatized when I bought Jane Austen’s Persistence. Pests digest it way faster than my brain cells did.

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Of all the characters, whose names I can’t even pronounce much even remember… I was fascinated to this side character Eponine. Although her part contributes mainly to the romantic-will-turn-you-into-emo part of the novel, she became my favorite… why? Don’t ask…

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Eponine is a young lady who Lusts. Drools. fantasizes over this lead character who goes by the name Marius. But Marius ofcourse, already has a significant other. The story would not be interesting if the girl Marius is crushing on is whore, so the author decides to give Marius the beauty of the chase. The father, Jean Val Jean, is a kill joy, seeing Marius’ raging hormones, decides to separate the two lovebirds.

Seeing Marius love problems, Eponine, being a certified masochists, decides to help him by giving him the address of her SO. So Marius, following his manly pursuit to get laid, went to see Cosette… But sadly…yes… Cosette is about to join Michael Jackson in never never land. Marius told Cosette that she can still contact him if ever she changes her mind. Burning with desire, Cosette wrote to Marius telling him to come with her and see Michael Jackson… She gave it to a Soldier… and that Soldier is no other than Eponine… a cross dresser slash stalker slash snoopy

Eponine, although a masochist, was never stupid. She never gave the letter to Marius.

Marius, the emo-i-just-got-busted lad of ours, joined the Marines to mend his lonely heart and die in the process. But that’s not the end of this drama.

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As the bullet was about to hit Marius… (Insert a matrix clip here). Eponine protected him and got shot instead. As she was about to die… She asked him to kiss her on the forehead. You see, she also wanted to have sex with him but, they will look like freaks if they will do IT in the middle of French revolution. Yes, French kiss was also out of the question.

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Selfish beyotch doing such unselfish task deserves an applause and awe. And the fact that she died a virgin is also an appealing part. Just like pinoy movies. (Clap! Clap! Clap!) So if you love someone who does not love you in return, don’t worry… He will also find someone whom he’ll love so much and won’t love him in return.

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Part of my Psychosis: I’ve decided to have a cockroach pet. COCKROACH. Yeahhh… I put him inside a tic tac dispenser. After 2 days, he …. Hrmmm… was dead… Maybe cockroaches was not really meant to be pets…