Burned Out

I think I really need to check on my health. Well I am having some disturbing thoughts lately and some things makes me cry for no apparent reasons… well for some reasons… but the thing is, it’s not really that serious. I can get so fucking nervous at night that I can’t sleep and when I finally put myself into slumber… I make some freaking noise that tends to wake everybody up… not snoring… i got rid of that when I lessen my food intake… Something more creepy but I don’t know what its called so there….

Epiphany of Craziness Part I:

Just told my housemate that I wasn’t able to take a full meal for the day. This is not part of my “Get rid of your freaking large Food Intake Or You will Blow into a Goddamn Elephant” Thing but I lose my appetite simply because I am so tired. I was texting a couple of people and then I fell asleep. I woke up a couple of hours later with 8 messages… Everybody was asking if I was mad at them…

Me: Hndi me glit. Nk2lg me. Di n kta ntxt. Di pla ako nka2in buong araw.
Friend: Hindi ka nagu2tom?
Me:Hindi naman (Let’s stop the freaking text lingo)… pero inaantok pa rin ako…
Friend: Sabi ni *confidential*, kumain ka daw baka magalit si *name of a person he haven’t met nor seen in flesh and bone so why the hell he’s including him in our conversation and the fact that I WASN’T talking to him makes me annoyed at his remark*

Me: Mabuti nga yon. Para mamatay na ako at mamayat. Maglaway siya sa libing ko Isasama ko siya at ang *some insulting remarks to someone I haven’t really met but seen in flesh and bone but freakingly boils my blood cause she has a boyfriend but still manages to steal the attention of *confidential*… If you’re reading this or if someone makes you read this… I ain’t mad at you… I just don’t get it… well the thing is I am suffering from a serious mental dilemma so just forget about it. read between the lines honey… if you have no plans of being serious with *confidential*, cut the crap or i’ll cut you into pieces… too morbid… forget it *
Friend: Magsama daw kayo ni *someone he haven’t met* sa hukay.
Me: *at this point I am really mad for no apparent reason* Napipikon na ako bahala kau sa buhay niyo!
Friend: Pati sa akin? si *confidential* talaga nagsabi nun.
*Confidential*: Sori na… sori na at hindi mo ko natikman bago ka mamatay… maglaway ka…. (okay maybe there’s a reason! what the hell are you trying to tell me? HA?)

See, if I was thinking with my normal brain cells, this woudn’t have happened. I can return any unsolicited remarks directly to the person where it came from. But since I can’t think of anything at that time I cried… again… and think of my unttractive fats and why I don’t have any purpose in life. **insert more self pity paragraph the more morbid the better**

When I woke up… I realize that this wasn’t me. Because I use to be someone who brings light to other people’s lives and had the chance to bring peace to Israel and Lebanon. Something is wrong. That’s why I came up with my health problems… It must be the packs of cigarette that I consume whenever I feel stressed out which is by the way most of the time. Or the rain… maybe the rain has some psychological effect to people who are on… not diet… in…. no never! whatever… **insert a more plausible sentence here about my health**

It must be the Goddamn love songs…. No, It must be you…. No, it can’t be… let’s just settle with the rain… Enough of the drama.

Note: Please people… no comments… no questions when we see each other… I’m just having an intellectual havock…. Like everything, this too, shall pass… But if you have any idea as to what is my problem please feel free to leave a comment

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