I dunno what happened last New Year, but my voice went on strike. Imagine me in my full emotional attempt to copy Britney Spears singing “Lucky” using … Mahal’s voice. Yeah that’s how awful it is.
It started as a re-occurring fever that I have had after Christmas… I thought it was only because of my brave effort to discontinue my dreadful habit of smoking cigarettes. (Blame everything on the poor piece of heaven designed to cool your nerves in times of boredom and mental incapacitations.) I know all of you are concern and you don’t want me burning all night so I decided to be much braver to puff smoke AGAIN… CAUTIOUSLY… but sadly… the fever did not go away… yeah I know, one of my precious organs is being attack by microbial shits as Dr. House would gladly explain it.
Then one freaking Wednesday morning, I woke up… with my mucus membrane going haywire producing loads of … of course…. MUCUS… stuck in my nostrils, making my breathing worst than that of a man being fucked a hundred times in succession by Paris Hilton. After I blew all the mucus out, instead of continuing my sexual intercourse with Jay Manalo in my dreams, I decided to slump on the floor… for we have no sofa… we misplaced it all… Then my boardmate asked me… “O may sakit ka?” … Silence…. “masama pakiramdam ko…”. I was shocked that my voice suddenly turned into a manly-midget-like-coarse voice similar to madam auring only much much sexier. Right then and there I swore that I will never include Jay Manalo in my dreams again…
What’s worse is that my officemates made fun of me and giggles everytime I try to communicate using my gruesome voice. Since I am this person who cannot shut up, that lasted for the whole day.
WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
As Tito Aga would tell me, I have this disturbing habit of making my life complicated. So on my way home from Quiapo, instead of just taking the LRT to avoid traffic, I went for a jeepney (It’s almost seven so traffic is like … well recto when there’s rallyist). And I decided to sit near the front. Almost everybody kept asking me to give their fare to the driver… I wanted to shout at them … “MGA PU*($$$& NIYO WALA NGA AKONG BOSES EH” but of course that would be stupid because I don’t have voice… and … I will just further humiliate myself when they end up laughing at my voice.
My voice is so much better now. I am predicting that by Sunday… I can sing LUHA by aegis again.
We watched the pyrotechnics competition last … uhmm that was yesterday. After being squished by hundreds of people and controlling myself not to puke on those awful smells of sweat…. we were able to watch the second display that night. Man it was awesome! For 20 minutes, I felt like I was in the outer space. And then a meteor came crashing to me…. The nerve of that insensitive bastard…