That loving feeling

Image Hosted by Clinical Depression is not your ordinary “emo” feeling of being pissed off at somebody and wanting to hurt him badly. It is not the kind of sadness that you will experience after finding out that you’ve spent a fortune over a worthless piece of underwear… okay that’s angst…

Clinical Depression is undergoing serious emotional bouts that can last for the whole month. It is the feeling of sheer emotional sadness that is cause by… nothing. People who have CD faces an enormous battle similar to the film 300, the only difference is, instead of killing off gazillions of people he battles with the one and only cast of his film… himself. Fighting off the thoughts of slitting one’s wrist or jumping off the railway while he sees the train can be really dismenting, especially if it comes to you in flashes every 10 minutes or so. You will fence off the thought by smoking religiously or drinking to gain temporary composure. Having such unstable thoughts can lead to the person’s  inability of concentrating, keeping focus or making decisions or a generalized slowing and obtunding of cognition, including memory. They will behave in a ridiculous manner no matter how obvious the situation is. If you told a person who suffers from CD that he won the lotto… he will surely dismiss the thought or reply in a casual manner. Relatively, people who questions their existence is vulnerable to the feeling of idiocy. They will feel a sense of guilt if they responded badly to a particular event. Therefore, they will have a hard time communing with kindred spirits for the battle can easily be lost once guilt is injected to the person.

CD is not just a matter of vulnerability to problem. Hormonal imbalance is not easily dismissed even if the person only thinks of happy thoughts… Flashes of himself hanged will constantly appear everytime he closes his eyes… It is only in the mind, yes, but it is something that cannot be controlled by will…

Generally, people with CD are not mad with anyone, in fact they feel sorry for making others feel bad. They just don’t want to commune with kindred spirits to control the feeling of guilt, sadness and worthlessness therefore preventing themselves to slit their wrists or someone else’s throat.


Just like depression, my introduction for this entry… having an allergy is also a major battle with oneself. Allergens can confuse the germ fighting whatever-the-fuck-its-called to attack healthy cells thinking that it’s some microbes… it will cause rashes, itchyness and inflammation. For severe cases, inflammation can cause the inability to breathe. Contrary to most belief, even if the person is frequently exposed to a particular allergen, his allergy may continously occur.

Why? Cause I have experienced it for the past 17 years of my life. My elementary schoolmates can attest that they seldom see me without hand towel and runny nose. What my parents thought to be a simple vitamin c deficiency is major allergic rhinitis.

Lately, it has been worse, with the nosebleed and pain… I went to a doctor to remove the blockade that has been causing my daily quandary. He gave me a medicine, in which I’m hoping to find a diamond inside, for it costs one billion gazillion worth of what should have been my meal for the entire week.

And no, I’m not faking this shit up just to have a reason for not attending an event. This is no laughing matter for me… for my body itches like hell and my nose hurts due to sneezing every minute or so. Btw… I’m out… i chose to prioritize my health over anything.

To prevent scratching myself to death, I decide to solve puzzles here, rationalizing the puzzles will numb your brain…  but seriously… I feel like an alien whenever the puzzle is gazing at me… and telling me …. nothing… really, try the connection between a lightning, a boat and a hourglass… I know… retard…

While I have been feeling like a moronic paramecium brain organism answering those puzzle… I decided to watched PBB2 instead, and what a bummer… just when I was hoping to see Mikey… Jasmine who I think is a total douchebag… is focused and is having a hard time differentiating “priceless” and “worthless”

Price is a quantitative measurement of an object’s monetary value… therefore something whose price cannot be determined but actually has value or worth is considered as priceless. The price of something with no value can be determined… “0.00”, but it’s worth is nothing therefore “worthless”.

I know its pure bull. But she could at least come up with a dozen of reason rather than something that even a three year old kid will surely dismiss as a lame excuse to speak in front of the camera.


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