My psychotic tendency has not been waning as I thought it would after a month. Instead, I am as fucked up as I could be. I still feel blue for no particular reason.
There’s also this strong urge to kick the butt of people who mirrors my retarded views and autistic disposition in life. It seems, whether they did it intentionally or not, that my mistakes are being rubbed in my face. That I am a fucktard. That I should change. That everyone deserves to hate me because I emanate hate myself. That I will never be understood for my character is way beyond the limits of understandable.
So, being a paranoid beyotch is not the greatest thing in the world. Everyone seems to hate you and everything you do seems to be an act of a sociopath. To rationalize everything… these are the things that I think contributes to my insanity:
I am now admitting that I maybe a victim of world wide epidemic called Somalian-look-is-in-nowadays. For I have no definite reason for my recent weight loss agenda. I’ve been fat for five years now and so far, I have no health issues. When I lost weight on the other hand (20 pounds and counting), I’ve experienced, nose bleeds, heart palpitation and nervousness.
The reason why I want to quit drinking alcohol is that I feel like a suicidal emo bitch when it’s in its efficacy and total loser when all that’s left is hangover. I really hate it when I get drunk and start snaking at people or asking stupid questions that tends to backfire on my own shortcomings.
It seems that it brought me more headaches than the feeling of being a brainiac. There’s also a chance that you will feel that you’re utterly stupid for not realizing that the bolt… is actually a map.
Lastly, I hate you so much for making me miserable… You are the reason why my MP3 player plays “I’ll Never Get Over You” over and over again, even if you know… it doesn’t make any sense… You’re the reason why I don’t make sense anymore…
So there, fuck you and I hate you…