For the Life of Me

The five-day Lenten vacation is slowly creeping into reality. Actually, I don’t like taking long vacation such as that. For one, I don’t like beaches for I’ve swore a vampiric life 5 years ago, so I’d rather watch “Labs Kita, Okay Ka Lang?” over and over than roast myself under the sun. Besides that, resting is one thing, running out of things to do is another thing.

Planning is very critical in times like these. For without planning, I may end up bloated by emptying our refrigerator or proceed with suicide (and I’m just kidding all of you regarding this suicide, I need drama in my life). And I want none of that to happen. So without further ado here are my planned activities:

SELF CONTEMPLATION:

Somehow, when I’m in high-in-drugs-craziness like mode, I want to believe that I’m a seer. For one thing, I can always predict which elevator will open first in our building. Forget the fact that we only have three elevators, one of which is always “On Maintenance Check Up”. I need to reflect, for this is a chance, maybe my ONLY chance to ever be in peace with myself for I’m predicting that I will be in an even deeper shithole than where I am right now because of this project I’m currently managing. I’m giving myself two months at most before I fucked this project. So I need to gather my aura so I can work smoothly in six months and maybe I’ll perform well so I can keep my job. Seriously. If ever I did wretchedly in this project, would you be so kind to help me find a new job? No? Fuck you.

WATCH DVD:

I’ll be watching movies that star Toni Gonzaga, Sam Milby, Angel Locsin and Richard Gutierrez. These are movies that I didn’t bother to waste my time with in movie theatres, much more spend a hundred bucks just to predict an ending that of course will only make me realize how fucked up my love life is. DVD is so much better, you can rewind to take note of dramatic lines so you could use them in your own life and past forward when your romantic thoughts is being messed up when you think of Sam and Piolo.

Prison Break episodes will also be on my dvd list, I need to stimulate my sexual fantasies by watching Michael Scofield screw every new idea he have had and watch him make that same cutesy face whenever his plans didn’t turn out to be successful. I’m betting my life savings that this “Company” turns out to be a group of aliens that are planning to invade the earth and eat us all (Demonical laugh)

READ BOOKS:

I went to powerbooks to hunt for my new source of funnies (Since Bob Ong is on hiatus, making my blog entries full of dark suicide fantasies and vehement lies). I found David Sedaris, a life saver. His books can be compared to Bob Ong, only he is much cooler. I mean, here’s a guy, trying to be an accomplished artist and failed immeasurably in doing so, did drugs, hates his family and has a lisp fergawdsakes and he’s writing all about the these things in satirical manner, how cool can that be?

Needless to say, reading David Sedaris will surely drag my intellectual sense and for that, I’ve bought another book that will hopefully be the source of my topic in future cerebral conversation. Racists by Kunal Basu. I can only imagine how these conversations will turn to be:

Someguy: I’ve read in this book called [insert an economic book here] by [insert a well-known economist here] that our only hope for saving our economy is to focus on improving our agricultural sector.

Me: Really? You know Kunal Basu predicted in his novel that even if two three year old kids, a negro and caucasian at that, are only raised by deaf mute in a barren island, they will eventually learn secks?

Someguy: No shit?

Me: No Shit!

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