My Pet Name is Bullshit

My friends calls me sexy. It’s their way of saying I’m fat as hell but I am their friend simply because I offer them my food when I’m throwing up because of eating excessively.

*Right now, I’m wishing that our company phone has some light indicator when someone calls. I’m too lazy to take out my headphone*

Back to my story. They started calling me sexy when my equally retarded fatherly figure in the office called me as such one day. Remember “Kung ako na lang sana” film by Aga and Sharon. Oh you don’t because apparently I am the only blogger who fancies Sharon Cuneta to the bones. It’s the scene when Aga called Sharon “Sexy” and she replied with “I know”. The pet name kinda sticked and even if I have already transfered employment, my officemates still calls me sexy.

I don’t care as long as they don’t call me Arlene. I believe that names are sacred letters that represents you, when you’re being called by your name and it gets tweaked in the process, it feels like you’re being publicly raped. Only rape is much more nicer because it requires penetration and you may enjoy it while being perpetrated. I’m just kidding. I am not a sexual pervert and I don’t browse porn just for the kicks. I just hate it when my name transforms to Aireen, Aileen, Arnee, Ailen or fergawdssakes “ARLEN”… It’s a major pet peeve. I could kill you just by calling me that.

Sometimes, it’s humiliating to be called “Sexy”. Imagine this one time when we’re in LRT, as usual I was lost in the crowd, my friends all shouted “Sexy”. Every girl turned their heads only to realized I was “SEXY”. But most of the time I don’t care. I’ve accepted being fat all my life. With my body type, even if I reach a somalian resident all time low weight, I am still being referred to as “chubby” by peers. So hell if I am fat, but I don’t like being alone especially on the beach when all of your female friends are weaking bikinis and stuff and you are compelled to join the beer belly squad of your male friends. It plainly sucks. Losing weight for me is not a girly thing, it’s being human thing.

Why names? I’ve watched “Chasing Amy” where the fucking female lead is named Allison. It should have been titled, “Chasing Ally”! I keed. It’s a nice movie and the title is explained in the movie. Everyone with best bud should watch it. I too, have lost my bestfriend once to a thing called “love”. If you will include the recent delusionment I have had with my friend Toto, then make it two. Sorry, I have no plans of going emo and telling the details about the two stories.

“Chasing Amy”, is a combination of love, friendship, chauvinism, feminism, willingness to go beyond borders and acceptance. You don’t get bored watching the film because there are some funny lines brought by Jason Lee and even if it stars Ben Affleck, whom I a not very fond of, you’ll finish it without feeling a single second of boredom.

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