Remembering Yesterday

I decided to browse my gmail account just this moment. Nothing much. I don’t use it frequently except when I’m at home (laguna) for it loads easily than any other web mail services. When I read the sent items and went back to the time when I was suffering from heavy mental dilemma. Somehow my happy feeling went down a little notch.

I came to conclude that I am too much of a trusting person. That I really tend to look at the present situation and forget everyone’s wrongdoings. And I thought I hold grudges… Crap…

Excerpt from a letter to a friend last 07/26/2006

Iniisip ko rin na aalis na kayo. Nakakalungkot. Siyempre hindi lang si $%^&. pati ikaw. Wala na akong kausap pag gabi na ayaw kong magpatulog ng ibang tao (Sa ngayon nanadya pa ang winamp ko dahil Superproxy ang tug tog). Di man lang ako maalalang itext. Ke $%^&* ko pa nalaman na aalis na pala kayo talaga. At maaga pa. hindi naman ako makakauwi ng maaga. At higit sa lahat naabutan ko nga kayo dead ma naman ang inabot ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam na “May” na pala pangalan ko (Excerpts from the text last night). At mas higit pa sa lahat ng kahigitan ng mahigit kumulang napaload pa! Huhuhuhuhu…. hindi ko alam kung ako lang nauuto niya sa buong buhay niya. Kung ako lang ang tanging tao na sumusunod sa mga utos niya kaya favorite niya akong…. anong tawag dun? “booty call”. Friend naman niya ako. Bat kelangan ganun. Anyway. Sinunod ko rin naman. Pero ganun naman talaga. Bad Trip. Pero wala nga naman akong Nunal at hindi ako nagpapalda.

Now, I do wear skirt but still no moles in my face. Lower part of the same letter:

Mga totoong solution:
– Kelangan kong mag-unwind.
– Kelangan kong mag-patingin sa psychiatrist.
– Kelangan kong patayin si $%^&…. sa puso ko…
– Kelangan kong humindi….
– Kelangan kong pumatay, ng ipis.

Thing is even after a year of saying that, I have failed to kill him in my heart. This is a letter to him for his birthday sent last 06/30/06

TOTOo niyan, pasensiya na talaga… alam ko minsan naiinis ka na rin sa akin pero sinusubukan ko na namang tumigil. Nahihiya na rin ako sayo. Kaya “last na to” hehehehe. Nabibingi na nga sina Angie sa sinasabi ko, pero i’ll try my best na hindi ka na guluhin.

The truth, even waaaaayyyyy after his birthday, I still did chase him. I ended the letter with a sweet revenge plotting post-script:

P.S. Humanda ka sa akin pag pumayat ako.. hehehehe joke. Hindi na mangyayari yun eh. Mwah!

So it did happened but I failed to execute my revenge. Maybe I just forgot the fact that those things happened between us. But hell. Love conquers all. Letter number #2:

Ihingi mo nga pla ng sori ke emily kasi baka nakaoffend ako last time. Pakisabi na lang na mabiro lang talaga ako. Hindi ako bayolenteng tao. Hindi ko kayang pumatay ng ipis dahil ginagawa ko silang pet. hehehehe

The emily whose picture I still see in his cellphone. Yeah… dun dun dunnnnn… excerpt from a blog post:

Learn to be fair. Learn to appreciate. Learn not to abuse the kindness your family has given you. Learn the value of relationship. Learn not to break anyone’s heart just because someone has left your heart broken.

Stop. I don’t know if I find these letters funny or disturbing. Okay. Head. Hurting. Badly. No these letters are funny.  Really funny.

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