What’s in it for us?

I was mad. Not because you did something wrong. I was mad because… I’m scared. Yoda was right… fear leads to anger. I’m scared that I might lose this thing that is going on between us.

While I was busy tinkering with my computer, I totally forgot about you. Yes it hit me that I have a boyfriend who’s busy working and might be thinking about me. Then I checked my phone. Nothing. Heck maybe you ran out of battery AGAIN.

 I made a video for you. I made it early because I don’t want to forget it like I did last month. I was busy. When I checked my phone. Nothing. Then scary thoughts ran to my mind. What if your dating that girl again? What if the reason why you’re not trying to contact me was because you want to get rid of me? But you assured me last time that there’s no need to think about things like that. I dismiss the thought. After an hour, you texted me. Then I replied. Then you didn’t. Then I called, after 3 tries I finally got into you. I can feel how tired you are. I can feel that you’re just trying to communicate. Even our service provider was in our way, they didn’t deliver my messages to you. You told me you’re going to sleep for I didn’t reply. I tried calling you all night. Knowing that you’re phone is on silent mode but hoping that you’ll take a glimpse on your phone, find that I’ve been calling you and just like in the movies you’ll call me and we’ll cry. Fuck that. I got tired, and started sending you those messages that will surely hurt you.

 Only, I felt guilty again afterwards.

I was guilty of forgetting about you, but it’s scary that you don’t give a fuck that I do. It was scary that you ALSO forget that I’m part of your world.

My last relationship ended because I was busy in my little world and excluded him in my life. Then he got tired of trying to puncture the shield that I build between us. He got tired but still tried, and then I realize that I was being unfair to him.

 Now, as I continously tried to poke into your world, I’m just wondering… what’s in it for us? 


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