Orcish Delight

My First Day in Boxing… yey…  Somehow… I felt like Frodo…


As we went inside the ring, I went into a trance. I am God. I suddenly have the urge to hit anybody. For that matter, no one, I mean no one can complain or even ask why I did it. They just have to rationalized my actions and me being god… is unquestionable even if I have no qualified reason for doing such thing. After a minute I was kicked out of that trance when the boxing trainer suddenly said:

Trainer: Right Jab…
Me: *Smiles*
Trainer: May basic training ka na ba ng boxing…
Me: Wala pa po…
Trainer: Naku… sige baba sa ring…

Nightmare. Yes. It was a nightmare, this basic boxing training. My vision of myself came down from being a God to a faggot padawan. I became young Luke Skywalker as Yoda teaches me how to use “the force”. My weaknesses are suddenly out in the open. As Mr. Yoda ask me to use my lightsaber (boxing gloves in this case) to sway it using my left and right hand alternately. Easy as you may say it, but since I was in kindergarden (or maybe earlier than that who knows); I always find it hard to distinguish my left and right without looking at my hand. Mr. Yoda also asked me to keep hitting the center, and as expected I didn’t do well. My joint was messed up by this accident I have had in the second grade, so if I targeted the center area my right hand will hit the left… (Pingkaw ako… huhuhuhu).

After the humiliating training, we went inside the Boxing Ring. My God Complex suddenly returned with the image of this “tagalupa” that I want to hurt badly. The uppercut was one of my favorite. I could turn him into a vegetable in no time. I could make him beg to stop hurting him. The god suddenly turned into a psychopath.

Trainer (on the fifth round): Kaya mo pa?
Me: (*smiles*) oo…
Trainer: Sige baba na sa ring…

I thought that was the end of my training but when I was about to remove my gloves. He asked me to hit the punching bag while encircling it. I looked at Master Yoda and suddenly he turns into a goblin-like creature. I thought he was joking, I mean I did the training and did boxing for five round but he was fucking serious. I did that for two rounds. Punch again for two rounds more. There, you goblin master… can we stop now? I am sweating copiously and its blocking my vision

Trainer: Marunong kang magjump rope?
Me: Opo…
Trainer: Sige mag jump rope ka for three rounds…

The goblin turns into an orc. That Orc thinks I am also an orc and made me do orc activities all at once. The three rounds felt like fucking forever. I was ready to rest… but this orc is a monster.

Trainer: Mag sit ups ka para mabawasan yang taba sa tiyan mo.
Me: (*almost crying*)

I did my sit ups. I wanted to stop. But the orc was on my back watching my every move. My head hurts like hell. I could kill this orc… only if he didn’t drain my powers.  

Alas… Frodo finally arrived at mount doom using the stationary bike. He was so drained but still… He drank and got drunk with his friends at home hoping for the temporary happiness that Red Horse might bring… and it did… and the psychopath was drowned inside him.

The next morning Frodo curses for the headache he got from the Red Horse… and the arrythmia he suffers from. Frodo might die anytime now… so Frodo promised not to drink Red Horse again…….

maybe until next week….


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